Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Secret Sixteen

The Secret Sixteen - Which one are you?

1. Growing up ((high school years)) you were one of a few of my biggest influences: you brought me the music. I never told you but thank you.

2. Il mio cuore. I really do believe that this is it, and I'd follow you anywhere, just like I know you would me. My favorite times of the day are lunch and when we're both home at night. I love our social showers, ponchetta, and the fact that you encourage me to make art. Also, I want to tell you that I am so so sooooo proud of you. You are so amazing, funny, smart, sweet, sensitive, etc, etc... I could go on and on and on forever. PS: thanks for dealing with the dunnys. I know you don't necessarialy like them, or most of my other junk, but thanks. Just like you think you had to try harder to be better for me, I know I have to try too.

3. You have serious ability with that instrument. I used to think if anyone I knew was going to be any degree of famous, it would be Fat Chris. Not anymore; now I know it's you, as long as you don't throw it away like he did. You're better than that.

4. I used to look up to you so much. You were an awesome "big brother." What happened to you? I know she tore you up inside, but get it together, man! This isn't HAHS anymore, this is real life and it's passing you by.

5. I don't know where my good old friend is, but I want her back. V2.0 sucks. Please call me.

6. Congrats, you seem super happy. I hope this changes things for you, but I know it hasn't yet. You know how 98% of parents totally fuck up their kids? Please try and do your best, like I'm sure you will.

7. You're everything I always hoped he'd have. You're sweet, outgoing, fun and sooooo not a total bitch. Thank you for keeping him in line and carrying his balls around in your purse.

8. I know you can beat all the things that are holding you back. You're 1,000x more intelligent than the average human being, and I hope you realize people want you to be around for the long haul. You have so much to teach and share with everyone. I know you want to be a part of Kris's kid's life and I want you to know that I hope you want to one day be part of my kid's life. You know, when I eventually have kids... Oh, and also, I know your book is going to be successful.

9. What can I say? We're BFFLs, no doubt about it. I will never be able to get rid of you, even if I wanted too, you're practically tattooed on me, you fucking dirty-ass tough guy! No, but really, I know you and I will be friends for life. You finally picked the right girl, who is completely awesome, just like you. Promise me we'll always be in touch, no matter where we end up...?

10. As much as I hate you, somedays I miss you. I just wish you could have stayed out of it and not pissed me off as much as you did about what you did when it happened. Sorry I had to tell you to fuck off, but it was sooooo worth it. I needed to do it to save what was most important to me: him.

11. I miss you. I'm sorry we're not friends anymore, sincerely sorry. I tried to make up, and you curtly told me no. I'd still like to, even though I'm still not sorry for what I did ((which was NOT wrong)) I am very, very sorry I hurt you. I hope you're still a nice girl and all is well.

12. I feel horrible that I haven't seen you in forever. I know I really dropped the ball over winter and I hope when you get back in spring we can start hanging out again. I miss you terribly. You're an amazing person, incredibly bright and talented, tons of awesome, and way fun. I miss Guitar Hero deuls and watching The Office together.

13. I'm pretty sure you're one of the fakest people on the earth, but I still feel bad for you... sometimes. I mean, we all know your boyfriend/ex/fiancĂ© is terrible, and you have to know it by now too. I feel bad for you because he is lazy, steals from you and your friends, and hits you. However, you going back to him is insane, therefore one can only assume you like the torture and then can't sympathize. You're not stupid, wise up! Another thing: don't tell my parents we talk "all the time" when we don't. Not only do I know you're lying, so do they and it just makes you look bad.

14. You were never worthy of him, ever. I don't know what #5 sees in giving you a second chance, but I'm pretty sure it's you who is turning her against me. Fuck you. Oh, and two things for the record: I don't know WHY he even bothers with you after what you put him through and the title of that infamous song about you fits like a glove.

15. I know we haven't talked since you broke his heart, but I have to finally say it out loud: you are a HORRIBLE excuse for a human being. You're a lying, cheating, gold-digging slut. You're in that 98% that IS going to fuck up your kid. But you really can't help it, I guess, cause your parents royally fucked you up.

16. The last is always the hardest to write, probably because we, as human beings, tend to processtinate when something is rough or hard to do, like write this about you. We might not have had it all together, but together we had it all. You were my twin, my twinnie twin twin twin. Out of all the people on this list I miss, I miss you most of all. I don't know what happened between us, and I am sorry for whatever it was. I miss having silly video chats, smoking together online, all our long chats about everything and anything, and skiing with you. My winter wasn't the same without it. Also, as much as I hate to admit this, I miss your stupid ideas that used to frustrate me to no end. Please come back. Call me, we can make ammends, I know it.

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